Monday, January 15, 2007

A Midwest Ice Storm

I did another Crazy-Lady thing last night.....

Ida needed to go out about 11PM.

After taking her harness off and putting it back on her at least 7 times before I finally got it right....cut me some slack I'm sick.....I opened the door to find the entire porch and steps coated with about 1.5" of ice, and her cable was at the bottom of the stairs. So being the rational clear thinking person I am. I reasoned that given my somewhat weaken state (I've been sick in bed for days) I figured that I probably did not possess the strength nor the balance needed to walk across slick wet ice. (I honestly thought walking on water would have been easier.) Plus the whole wrestling with a harness-and-a-dog-that-HAS-to-go thing seconds before had just about done me in. So I put on Joe's shoes that were in the hall, went outside and sat down on the porch in my oh so stylish Farm King thermal long johns. Then proceeded to scoot my butt across the porch and down the stairs to retrieve the cable.

Granted attempting to walk on probably would have resulted in a lot of slipping and falling down the steps, but it would have been quicker, not nearly as wet and cold and perhaps even more graceful. I'm also pretty sure that slipping and falling down the steps, albeit not as safe, would not have resulted in the full moon that I flashed the neighborhood. Ah yes, unknown to me at the time but very quickly realized was the simple fact that my warm long john clad butt sitting on top of barely frozen ice would fuse my pants to the step. You get the picture don't you? I stood up and my pants stayed put. Ahhh yes, the cool crisp breeze of Midwest ice storm.....mmmmm Another Crazy-Lady-Kodak-Moment. I quickly yanked my now ice encrusted pants back into place, and untangled the cable as slivers of ice pelted me. I scaled the steps and crossed the porch on my hands and knees with my sodden backside turned toward the world.

Once in the house I hooked up IdaMae, opened the door and let her out. She wasn't out there long. With Ida back in the house and untethered I let the cable drop to the porch floor just outside the door as is my habit. The damn thing mockingly slipped and slithered it's way across the porch and down the stairs as I watched helpless. I shod Joe's shoes once again and made another trek (can one "trek" on ones butt??) out onto the porch and down the stairs, remembering the lesson I had learned just moments before regarding warm butts and barely frozen ice. Although you could scarcely say my butt was warm at this point.

I wonder what Joe thought when he got up this morning and found the front door tethered to the dogs cable???

Lessons learned...

Farm King thermal long john clad butts will freeze to icy steps (as do tongues to steel poles see "A Christmas Story").

Dog tie-out cables are vengeful buggers that will mock you and will only tangle during ice storms and downpours.

Whenever the dog wants out wake up Joe.


  1.! Definitely wake up the man... Makes me awfully glad that a) I don't have a dog and b) I live in California ;-)

    Great story though! Definitely sounds like something that could happen to me.

  2. Hope you are feeling better real soon!