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Monday, July 20, 2015

Whoa, What Have I Done?

March 21, 2013 at 4:42 I received an email which said in part:

"You are now officially entered, and you are being considered to be a contestant in The Fiber Factor!"

YIKES!!!!

The announcement of the chosen 12 would be made on Saturday April 6th, 2013 at 7:30ish at the Vogue Knitting Live Gala Dinner in Seattle. The first Challenge would be announced Monday April 8th. 

Hmmmm a little over two weeks for me to contemplate the consequences of my actions and this is what I figured. What had started as something silly to do for laughs, could maybe become a reality and quite frankly I didn't think I wanted to do it. The full impact of what I had just done had finally hit me. 

First off let me give you a bit of a insight on the kind of person I am, or at least was, or am still, but an obviously modified version thereof. ;) Whatever descriptor you want to use, I am a hermit, an introvert, a very private person. The things I create are from me, of me and for me. Notice the word "me" in that last sentence, and how frequently it occurs?!? Most of my family, including my husband, rarely, if ever, actually see the things I'm working on. My work is done in my own private world into which I rarely allow anyone to enter. 

Um yeah.....I didn't think this thing through now did I? 

Oops.

Damn.

I would have to show people my work!  I would have to make videos of myself! I would have to talk to people! I would have to do my work on someone else's timeline and not let the wind blow me in whatever direction I felt like on any given day! It had been years since I had a job and while I had throughly enjoy being in the workforce at one point in my life, I gladly stepped away from it when Joe made it possible for me to do so. And now this.  I had possibly put myself in a situation which was completely and totally the antithesis of who I was. 

Whoa. 

What. 

Have. 

I. 

Done. 

I really, really REALLY did NOT think this through!!

And as the tv ads say: But wait there's more!

Another demon was gnawing at me.  I had even stated in my application I had never been interested in a job/career in the knitting industry. And yet here I was applying for a contest which could in fact throw me into such a thing.  Sure, if any opportunity did arise from participating in the contest, I didn't have to accept it.  I could just crawl back into my cave and forget the whole thing ever happened. But, and that is a big, huge, ginormous BUT, wasn't that the purpose of the contest?  One of the stated reasons for the contest was to find the next new knitwear designer!  That is when the guilt crept in. What if I was, chosen to be one of the 12?!?  What if because I was chosen some gifted designer missed their shot at being noticed?  I have to confess, I came very close to withdrawing my application.  I spoke to a lot of people about my guilty feelings.  I had looked at the contest as just a game I'd be playing against myself, for once I'd let someone else provide the springboard to get me started on a new project. That's what the contest meant to me, nothing more, but to others? It could be their first dip into the pool in which they wanted to swim. It could be their first big break.  It could be the one more thing to push their design popularity from ok into something big and exciting. If I was chosen as one of the twelve I might be stealing someones dreams! How could I do that?!? The guilt ran bitter and deep.

Obviously my heart and head were not in a good place to embark on such an unknown adventure, but I would go with the flow and see where it led. Gillian and Joe had made such huge efforts to get me this far, I guess I should at least respect their faith in me and see this thing through. Besides, how much of a chance did I have?  There are untold numbers of very talented designers out there I only needed twelve who had submitted applications the judges liked better than mine.  Not a problem. I figured everything I submitted in my application was good but surely there would be others which would be much better.  And then I thought about the typical reality show personnel.  OMG! I might have a chance to be one the chosen!  Boil it all down to the basics and I was screwed.  I was probably going to be considered a forerunner for the typical reality show persona of the 'crazy old lady!'

Whoa, what have I done?


Next up: Meet The Contestants!